How To Eat French Fries

I’ve been told multiple times that if you want to write well you need to read. Common sense would suggest that if you want to write books you read books and if you want to write newspaper articles you read newspapers. So  in order to write for the internet, it seemed only logical that I should read things on the internet.


I’m not sure how, but I stumbled upon a wikihow page entitled ‘How to Eat French Fries’. Now even though I’ve never had any difficulty eating French Fries curiousity got the better of me. As it turns out, 57,525 other people also had the same idea.

For the past 20 something years I thought the 4 steps were:

  1. Place fry in mouth
  2. Chew
  3. Swallow
  4. Repeat

It turns out that I hadn’t gotten a single step right. Here are the real ones:

  1. Enjoy eating fries any time of the day as a snack, or an accompaniment to another food.
  2. Look at the many different style cuts of fries.
  3. Use varying condiments depending on what Country or State you live in.
  4. Enjoy them as a meal itself, or just a little snack.

Surprised at how wrong my French fry eating procedure was, I wanted to see what else I had been eating incorrectly. And thus began my addiction to wikihow where I learned that eating chocolate requires taking deep breaths, eating peas should include watching a baby eat them too, and that consuming lobster counts as eating fish. Along with my newfound knowlege of eating techniques came the realisation that internet reading  does not help you become a better writer. Instead it forces you to question the future of the human race.