Survival Tips for a Male Dominated Workspace
Theoretically it should not matter if your workplace has more men than women, but speaking as someone who has been the only female employee at an organisation, I can safely say that this theory has not found its way from textbooks to offices. While I have no advice for what to do about co-workers who declare to the entire office that they are engaged to you (and then try to keep you from finding out), I do have tips for blending in with less ridiculous members of the male species.
1. Pretend you know something about sports
All guys talk about sports, even the guys who don’t like sports, because they are afraid of being ostracised for not liking sports. If you pick football (soccer for you Americans and Australians) make sure to memorise a few stats or you will be accused of watching for the sake of looking at attractive men. If your office is big enough, say “Dude did you see the game last night?” and slip away before anyone realises you don’t know which sport they are even talking about.
2. Quote Fight Club as often as possible
The Godfather, Goodfellas and Shawshank Redemption are acceptable substitutes. It’s okay to say you watched a rom-com, but make sure to point out that it wasn’t your idea and it was nowhere near as good as Fight Club.
3. Declare your love for meat
Talk about how steak and ribs are your reason for life and complain about how it’s impossible to find a restaurant that will serve you bacon wrapped chicken wings. If you are vegetarian, state that it is because the doctor told you that you have a rare condition that will result in spontaneous combustion should you ever eat another bite of meat.
4. Show off random features on your smartphone
Men always seem to want the latest gadget regardless of how useful the features are to them. Pretend that you don’t think it is a big waste of money to buy a new phone every 2 months just because there is new camera that captures pictures with 0.3 more megapixels.
5. Wear a piece of superhero clothing
While Batman is the optimal choice, most other DC and Marvel superheros will suffice. Do not under any circumstances admit that it was a gift and always make sure to have a stack of excuses ready when anybody wants to discuss which Batman movie was best or whether they prefer The Joker to The Riddler.
6. Sympathise with gamers
World of Warcraft and Call of Duty are increasingly popular addictions which men think are acceptable excuses for not showering. While it is okay to berate men for this behaviour at home, pretend to be understanding at the workplace. Do not compare your love for Candy Crush Saga to their love for God of War.
7. Say you have a favourite car
Ideally select some sort of sports car model that is way too expensive for you to afford. Use an app to see how the specs of your ‘favourite’ car measure against other cars so you can hold a conversation when someone else mentions another car. Visualise your favourite dessert each time you talk about the car so that you have a dreamy look.