15 Things You Will Never Hear a Drunk Person Say

15 things you will never hear a drunk person say. And 15 things they are more likely to say.

1. What they won’t say: I think this selfie will look better if I put down my beer bottles.

They’re more likely to say: Hand me those 6 wine bottles. It’s time for a new Facebook profile picture.

2. What they won’t say: I don’t want to go to Mexico on vacation. They have way too much tequila in that country.

They’re more likely to say: Can we transit in Russia? I like vodka too.

cat-and-tequila

3. What they won’t say: I’m certain the cat would not want me to try to ride it like a horse.

They’re more likely to say: Animals have historically been used for transportation. Giddy up!

4. What they won’t say: I don’t think I should spend a week’s worth of wages on buying shots for strangers. That would be too irresponsible.

They’re more like to say: You guys are awesome. Shall we do body shots?

5. What they won’t say: If she doesn’t like me when I’m drunk, she probably won’t like me when I’m slurring.

They’re more likely to say: One of you 3 ladies has to go out with me. I don’t care which one.

6. What they won’t say: Orange juice tastes so much better without the vodka.

They’re more likely to say: The doctor said I needed vitamin C. He didn’t specify not to add vodka.

7. What they won’t say: That’s okay. I will clean up my own puke.

They’re more likely to say: I swear I’m not going to throw up… but hand me that bucket to be safe.

drunk-duct-tape

8. What they won’t say: I don’t want to get pizza. Let’s eat cauliflower instead.

They’re more likely to say: Ask the cab driver to go to the McDonald’s drive through.

9. What they won’t say: Lighting a shot on fire? That sounds a bit dangerous given how intoxicated I am.

They’re more likely to say: I like fire. I like alcohol. Let’s do this!

10. What they won’t say: My singing skills do not improve when I drink. I’m not going to stand up on the table and sing.

They’re more likely to say: At first I was afraid. I was petrified. Gloria Gaynor time! Woohoo!

Drunk Karaoke Cats

11. What they won’t say: Jello and shots sound like a terrible combination.

They’re more likely to say: It wiggles in my mouth. Awesome!

12. What they won’t say: Perhaps I should wait till the morning to see if I still want to send this picture of my belly button piercing to my boss.

They’re more likely to say: It’s 3am. I should phone my boss to check if he is awake first.

13. What they won’t say: I’m just going to leave my keys where I normally do so I can easily find them in the morning.

They’re more likely to say: I’ll just put my keys in this vase so cat the doesn’t take them.

drunk-street

14. What they won’t say: I understand that I am very gullible right now.

They’re more likely to say: I gullible that I am very understand right now.

15. What they won’t say: I wish I was sober right now.

They’re more likely to say: I need to do this more often.

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