15 Things You Will Never Hear a Drunk Person Say
15 things you will never hear a drunk person say. And 15 things they are more likely to say.
1. What they won’t say: I think this selfie will look better if I put down my beer bottles.
They’re more likely to say: Hand me those 6 wine bottles. It’s time for a new Facebook profile picture.
2. What they won’t say: I don’t want to go to Mexico on vacation. They have way too much tequila in that country.
They’re more likely to say: Can we transit in Russia? I like vodka too.
3. What they won’t say: I’m certain the cat would not want me to try to ride it like a horse.
They’re more likely to say: Animals have historically been used for transportation. Giddy up!
4. What they won’t say: I don’t think I should spend a week’s worth of wages on buying shots for strangers. That would be too irresponsible.
They’re more like to say: You guys are awesome. Shall we do body shots?
5. What they won’t say: If she doesn’t like me when I’m drunk, she probably won’t like me when I’m slurring.
They’re more likely to say: One of you 3 ladies has to go out with me. I don’t care which one.
6. What they won’t say: Orange juice tastes so much better without the vodka.
They’re more likely to say: The doctor said I needed vitamin C. He didn’t specify not to add vodka.
7. What they won’t say: That’s okay. I will clean up my own puke.
They’re more likely to say: I swear I’m not going to throw up… but hand me that bucket to be safe.
8. What they won’t say: I don’t want to get pizza. Let’s eat cauliflower instead.
They’re more likely to say: Ask the cab driver to go to the McDonald’s drive through.
9. What they won’t say: Lighting a shot on fire? That sounds a bit dangerous given how intoxicated I am.
They’re more likely to say: I like fire. I like alcohol. Let’s do this!
10. What they won’t say: My singing skills do not improve when I drink. I’m not going to stand up on the table and sing.
They’re more likely to say: At first I was afraid. I was petrified. Gloria Gaynor time! Woohoo!
11. What they won’t say: Jello and shots sound like a terrible combination.
They’re more likely to say: It wiggles in my mouth. Awesome!
12. What they won’t say: Perhaps I should wait till the morning to see if I still want to send this picture of my belly button piercing to my boss.
They’re more likely to say: It’s 3am. I should phone my boss to check if he is awake first.
13. What they won’t say: I’m just going to leave my keys where I normally do so I can easily find them in the morning.
They’re more likely to say: I’ll just put my keys in this vase so cat the doesn’t take them.
14. What they won’t say: I understand that I am very gullible right now.
They’re more likely to say: I gullible that I am very understand right now.
15. What they won’t say: I wish I was sober right now.
They’re more likely to say: I need to do this more often.
Love #14!
Have that ever happened to you? 😉
Hahaha! Too true. The one about riding the cat… How would that idea even come to a person? Classic.
🙂 I had that idea about my roommate’s dog even though there was no alcohol involved. The dog did not understand what I was trying to do so he just sat down forcing me to abandon my idea.
It wiggles in my mouth made me laugh out loud 🙂 And I have said a few of those things 😉
I think. 😉
Haha which ones have you said?
Probably all of them at one time or another 😉
I may have been guilty of #6 a time or two. (Doctors should really be more specific when giving advice!)
Oh that is certainly not something I would change about doctors!
I believe I’ve heard all, maybe said a few myself, but I don’t remember them being said so politely! lol ……I should do a post of some of the old photo’s I have buried in the back yard! make you wonder/believe why they say I’m crazy west coast lady!! BaW hahah…
ps
I don’t drink anymore!
Haha they have polite drunks in Canada
Is there a club you can join which tapes down drunk people on the floor? If so, I’d like to join!
Perhaps you should be the founder of this club?