Good Friday and the Dessert Crucifixion

As someone who loves all forms of sugar, I felt it was time that I started making my own dessert. Or rather, go back to trying. It had been about 15 years since my last failed attempt. Until this point, I was still willing to be optimistic about previous attempts going wrong because I wasn’t good with an oven. This time I was going to pick a recipe that only involved stove top cooking, something I wasn’t downright terrible at.

So I found a recipe for crème egg tarts that claimed to be simple and set to work. Now my hiatus from baking meant that I did not actually own a measuring scale for food. Still, I was determined to be as accurate as possible and used a measuring tape and mathematics to separate the right amount of butter. And that remained the only part of the cooking process that I could possibly claim to have gotten right.

The first step of the recipe involved melting butter and adding in crushed cookies to create a tart base. I can vouch for the butter melting but of course the cookies did not have the ‘easy to spread in the baking tin’ texture I was promised. Also I was left with a something much smaller than the recipe promised. Even though I already knew the bottom layer of my tart wouldn’t taste particularly nice, I was still hopeful layers 2 and 3 would mask the taste.

Before starting on step 2, I scrolled down to check for comments on the recipe. There was not a single complaint. Either Digestive biscuits work differently in the UK or I was not meant to cook. Hoping it was the former, I mixed the chocolate and cream together. The recipe said I needed to stir them in a bowl that was balancing on hot water. The recipe did not however say how difficult it is to stir a moving bowl that is too hot to hold still. Eventually I got what was supposedly the right texture, but the mixture tasted like milk powder and Ovaltine.

After letting the chocolate and tart base cool, it was time to pour the insides of the crème egg onto the tart. To my surprise I discovered that it was possible for this step to go even more horribly wrong than the previous steps. The picture showed all of layer 2 covered in gooey fondant. Yet, despite following quantities from the recipe, not even half my chocolate layer was covered. It didn’t help that the fondant was super sticky and quite keen to remain in the bowl it was already in. And plus it tasted terrible when hot.

I’m not going to say that what I made tasted too terrible to eat. It was made with chocolate and cookies after all. However, next Easter I am going to serve crème eggs on Digestive biscuits and refer to it as a deconstructed crème egg tart and molecular gastronomy just like some of the world’s finest chefs.