There is a Place Where Crazy People Gather

Lately there’s been something missing from my life. It has actually been weeks since I’ve had a conversation that has left me completely exasperated. Sure there have been ridiculous emails and comments, but no conversations that have left me wondering how intellectually challenged people breed at such a rapid rate. However, my former university roommate has assured me that the world is not actually devoid of these people. They can easily be found at the coat check counter of clubs in Toronto, where she works part time. Since I live in a giant sauna, better known as Dubai, there are no coat check facilities at clubs and I’m left with no choice but to live vicariously through the stories of Natalie.

bear Fur Coat

Just in case you’ve never been to an indoor performance or club in a cold city, here is how coat check works. You hand over your coat in exchange for a slip of paper or token that identifies your coat. When you’re done, you present your token and get your coat back. Not exactly rocket science, but then again basic instructions aren’t for everybody.

This, according to Natalie, is a pretty standard conversation at coat check.

Girl: Last week you guys lost my jacket.
Coat check staff member: You lost your ticket?
Girl: No, you guys never gave me no ticket and you lost my jacket and I had to wait for hours and hours!
Coat check staff member: Hours, eh? How long?
Girl: Like hours!
Coat check staff member: Like when?
Girl: Like 5– like 6am-uh!
Coat check staff member: Oh yeah? Cause last week we clocked out at 3. Must’ve been lonely here all by yourself. (Hands back change).
Girl: Ah, EXCUSE ME!!
Coat check staff member: Yup?
Girl: Uh, I gave you a $20 bill and paid for 2 coats!
Coat check staff member: Yes you did.
Girl: They’re only $4! You only gave me $12 change!
Coat check staff member: (calmly, with a big smile on her face) And 2 times $4 is…?
Girl: I’m not an idiot!
Coat check staff member: Really?
Girl: I want my goddamn change! You owe me– (Realises her mistake. Does not apologise. Rolls her eyes right out of her head and snaps that we better not lose her coat this time… if we know what’s best for us)