The Strangers You Meet on Social Media

social-media-male

I’m used to getting social media messages from strangers who have decided their life will be infinitely better if they add me (or any girl in their 20s) into their circle. The messages are almost always written by someone who is male and in English that is so terrible it hurts my soul.

mixed-message

Why he thinks telling a girl that she is the wrong one will work I don’t know.

Then you get the occasional person who acknowledges the other creeps, but still comes off as a creep.

sister-creep

This morning upon checking my email I had an even bigger surprise. One of these lovely people had somehow managed to send me an email. And this time it was a girl.

blessadams

Now I know what you are thinking. The most logical thing to do is put this girl in touch with all those creepy men who find me on Facebook. However, I get the impression she is looking for a rich guy to look after all her material needs and these rich men are not going to bother with her if they get a random email like this. Given that I write advertisements and marketing material for a living, I think I could really help her. I’m debating sending her the email below.

Dear Bless,

In order to effectively land a rich man, your standard email will require some heavy editing. The subject line ‘HI DEAR’ is too vague. I would recommend editing it to say ‘Attractive Yoga Instructor Seeks Your Company’. Make sure to attach a picture of yourself (or another woman) that is so attractive that the reader will no longer care if you are as flexible as a yoga instructor. Of course if you have a picture of yourself in some weird yoga pose that is even better.

Repeating your subject at the start of the email is simply a waste of space. Also, you come across as desperate when you provide your email address multiple times. If you appear desperate, middle class and poor men might try their luck and reading their emails is quite frankly a waste of your time.

Make sure to use proper English as well as spell check. Most rich men have had an education and that means they can identify poor grammar. Proper grammar can set you apart from all the other girls emailing them.

Good luck with your search for a rich man.

Advertisements