7 University Courses I Wish I Had Taken

High school, college and university are supposed to prepare you for the real world. I can assure you that knowledge about sinosudal changes have never helped me in my life. Calculus actually made my life worse thanks to 10 years worth of occasional nightmares about failing it. After living in the “real world” I’ve come up with a curriculum that would actually help the average person.

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1. The Science of Human-Feline Interaction

Sure it’s possible to get some cats to like you but let’s face it some of them are snobs even when you feed them cat treats. Surely there is some science to getting them to like you.

2. Introduction to Keeping a Straight Face

I suffer from what I like to call Liar’s Face Syndrome (LFS). My facial expression makes it look like I am lying when I am not. A course on how to control my facial muscles would have immensely improved my life. In fact, I’m sure anybody who plays poker would literally be a lot richer for this course.

3. Interpreting Job Descriptions

While some universities offer generic sessions about writing a resume or how to answer interview questions, they never teach you how to diffrentiate between a job description and the actual tasks. It would be nice to not rely on trial and error to learn that ‘Ensure customer satisfaction’ actually means ‘Let customers scream obscenities at you all day long’.

4. The Art of Negotiation with Satanic Co-workers

At some point in your career you are going to come across a co-worker who seems like satan reincarnated (if you’ve never had one, you just might be that person).

5. How to Fold a Fitted Sheet

This is something too complex to teach in under 4 months.

6. Damage Control in Modern Society

People will always tell you to choose your words carefully but university has certainly not prepared the average person about how to pull their foot out of their mouth after telling an interviewer you used to beat up his son in third grade.

7. Living on a Budget 101

Okay I did learn this in university but it would have been nice to have learned without dinners consisting of instant noodles and ketchup.

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