10 Ways to Annoy a Vegetarian
Due my close proximity with so many vegetarians I’ve learned that it is relatively easy to piss them off. Here are 10 simple ways.
(Disclaimer: Vegetarians are lot more comfortable with violence than you would imagine)
1. Inquire if they are one of those vegetarians who eat chicken
2. Write them an essay on the importance of bacon
3. Ask if they mind you eating meat in front of them
4. Place an ‘I love lamb chops’ bumper sticker on their car
5. Ask them if they consider eating animal crackers an ethical dilemma
6. Throw them a surprise party at KFC
7. Insist that they do not get enough protein
8. Remind them that Hitler was a vegetarian
9. Apologise to them for not liking salad
10. Set them up with your butcher
Vegetarians are not the only group of people that are easily annoyed. Learn how to piss off a Canadian over here
Love #1
Believe it or not I’ve met at least 10 vegetarians who eat chicken and 1 who eats meatballs
You beat me to it! I know! WTF. I had a friend who would tell everyone she is a vegetarian and then order chicken, note that HAD. I warn you it could be a very big red flag. Cruelty to animals bad, well except for chickens. I was going to ask A Collection of Musings how to annoy faux vegetarians for sport.
I like #5 best. Whenever I serve lamb chops, we (6 of us) all start repeating a scene from the Simpsons and bleat out, “Liiiisa, I thought you loved me!”
Epic episode of The Simpsons. I love Homer’s inability to understand vegetarianism
Great post!
Thanks
LOL
i will eat animal crackers, but i can’t look at them.
I wonder if people will buy plant crackers
lol.. i would. they should be filled with vitamins.
#7 every day of my life.
The majority of my family is vegetarian and I’m regularly told that meat is the most sinful source of protein. Life swap? 🙂
I guess you could say vegetarians are like vampires, neither one likes steaks (stakes).
I could write a novel on how fantastic bacon is 😉
My father and stepmother are vegan. They ARE thin. They look malnourished. Every vegan I have ever met looks thin and malnourished. You can see red all you want, but it does not change the fact that all vegans look this way.
🙂 I have a couple of vegan family members myself. One who was really thin during his meat eating and vegetarian years and has remained that way. The other is not thin by any standard. But that being said I’m sure there are a lot of vegan people who are not getting the right nutrients because they simply haven’t figured out how to properly replace meat and dairy.
I don’t eat meat and no one would call me thin or malnourished. Do all Italians like spaghetti or do all English people drink tea and wear bowler hats? Are all bloggers naive? Of course not, so it’s best not to generalize about people and avoid describing anything in terms of “All”.
Well said.
My #1 annoying comment is – Oh, is that why you are thin? I see red immediately! As if vegetarians just need to stay away from meat to stay thin!
This is funny, however I used to only eat chicken….the other meats just grossed me out, I have now moved past that and I eat most all meats but still tend to eat chicken more. (I was not one to think of it as cruel to animals or anything like that, just gross)
And of course once I posted the above comment another person that I like states they gave up meat but eat chicken. *sigh* This is what I get for wanting to annoy anyone, I will leave that to that to a Collection of Musings and not be annoyed when people categorize chickens as vegetables. I love the disclaimer. I tried vegetarianism, I was too weak and had to have animal protein!
LOL I recently ripped an entire book to shreds because I read one random line that said that you should imagine cute fluffy little sheep before you tuck into meat so that you can stop eating it. Instant rage.
So I just imagined ripping the little lamb to pieces. There was paper everywhere.
Your story makes some funny points, namely calling out those people who are not quite vegetarian yet and not ready to give up on one particular food such as chicken wings or meatballs for example. Change of any kind is always difficult for most people. I gave up meat, not because I think it is necessarily an unnatural thing, but because of the way animals are treated on factory farms. Few people realize how much has quietly changed for the worse in the big-ag. food industry the past few decades, and would be horrified if they were brave enough to read books by Michael Pollen (Food, Inc., Omnivore’s Dilemma) or Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. There should be nothing preachy or sinister about wanting healthier, local, untainted food raised humanely.
Very true. It is rather alarming that a corporation’s profit comes before the population’s general well being. When I watched Food Inc, I wanted to stop eating all foods, not just meat.
To be honest, I’m relieved I no longer live in North America where companies are free to add the word ‘natural’ to anything, regardless of whether it is true.
I get my kick out of telling vegetarians that (a) they are a waste of earth space and (b) they have access to only B-class proteins. Go figure!
Hey you’re back 🙂
Jokes to one side – Spiritually speaking a true vegetarian would not call themselves a vegetarian. Instead they would use the term – I don’t eat meat.
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Lol… How about snubbing a vegan persons party simply cuz there won’t be no “meat” in its main menus n no cows milk n eggs in its desserts? 😝
Food is always good