“Waiter there is a fly in my soup” “That’s stew, not soup”


While I’m no stranger to less than perfect restaurant experiences I usually don’t say anything because it doesn’t seem particularly clever to annoy the person who is handling your food. Unless of course you prefer your food covered in saliva or dragged across the floor.

Thus I was silent the time the waiter spilled gravy on my clothes, paused to look at the stain and then walked away as if nothing happened. All I said was thank you at the 5-star hotel when I asked for a drink with no ice (4 times) and the waitress put a glass with about 10 ice cubes in front of me 30 minutes later. I didn’t even protest when the waiter brought me something I hadn’t ordered because he decided what I ordered wasn’t all that nice.

Usually I find it is best not to re-visit such places. However when these problems arise at workplace cafeterias you need to tackle them differently. So, on behalf of my friend who works at the kitchen of the royal family, I have drafted a letter for her to present to the chef who gave her chicken nuggets when she asked for grilled chicken.

Dear Chef,

I would like to apologise if you have found any of my food requests confusing. I know I may appear strange for wanting my grilled chicken to not be fried and breaded. I am one of those few people who likes their grilled chicken to be grilled. I’m almost certain you’ve considered me a rebel from the day that I expressed dismay about the vegetable soup not containing any type of vegetable. Henceforth I will make sure I am more clear when I place food orders.

The Nutritionist

PS Please prepare some lemon tarts for me to give to my lovely friend who helps me draft letters