A Summary of Your Facebook Friends
There may be over 1 billion Facebook users, but almost all of them fall into the 10 categories below:
1. The just got married/had a baby people – The closer you are to thirty, the more friends you will have in this category. Your newsfeed is filled with pictures from weddings and first birthdays. And let us not forget the lengthy declarations about how motherhood is so wonderful.
2. The you have to see what I’m about to eat people – The people who probably do not enjoy eating food as much as they enjoy taking pictures of it. Some of these people probably order food they are allergic to, just because it looks pretty.
3. The I’m always drunk people – You will have more of these friends in your younger twenties. As you approach your thirties, you might see these people posing in the exact same way except they will have swapped the beer bottles for babies. You might also see the occasional picture of someone with a martini in one hand and a toddler in the other.
4. The let me tell you every detail of my life people – You might not have spoken to this person in over 10 years but you are familiar with their pet turtle’s nap routine. If this person has not posted a status update for 2 hours it might be time to file a missing person report.
5. The I’m really passionate about something people – Some of these people are aiming to educate you about important causes like genetically modified food or the war in Syria. Others just want to remind you that you are a terrible person for not sharing their religious beliefs.
6. The addicted to games people – The people who bombard you with requests for extra lives or coins and basically interrupt you when you are playing Candy Crush Saga.
7. The isn’t my cat the cutest in the world people – For some reason dog owners are a lot less obsessed with their pets. Of course the reason we see more cat pictures might be because felines are more likely to perch themselves on your laptop or hide in the fridge.
8. The it’s never enough exercise people – Aside from making you feel guilty about eating 3 candy bars a day, this group is always bombarding your newsfeed with how much they ran or where their next marathon will be.
9. The buy this junk I’m selling people – Everyone has a friend who has fallen victim to a pyramid scheme. In the pre-Facebook era you simply didn’t answer their phone calls. In the Facebook era you don’t read the private messages they send you.
10. The I believe everything I read on the internet people – Some people must genuinely believe that surgeons will refuse to operate on a dying child until they’ve verified that a certain picture got 100,000 likes.
Hahaha spot on.
Ooo I would also like to add 2 categories.
1. Posts cryptic or depressing status updates.
2. Posts photo albums of them making the same pose, obviously not ugly, but insisting “ugh I look so bad!!”
Yes! I cant stand those ones that post something like ‘This is the worst day of my life so far’ then you ask them what’s wrong and they say nothing or ‘it’s private’.
hahaha. I love this. I think I belong to category 7. 🙂
The just got married/had a baby people – The closer you are to thirty, the more friends you will have in this category.
that means that this is going to get worse….
though the type of fb friend that is worst is a combination of some of the types. Like the passionate about something (like childrens’ wellbeing) who has a child him/herself and believes everything that is on the internet (like the standard “the boy has been beaten up by his father. Share if you’re against child abuse” , “for every like facebook is going to donate 1p towards this girl’s operation” etc.).
Everytime you give them a hint that liking/sharing is not going to do anything or explain why a certain story is completely fabricated you get a snappy reply that people who don’t have kids just don’t understand how much they care about children and that thinking critically about those causes that involve ill children implies that you’re a cold person….
OK, I knew that I’m a horrible person before because I never share or like any of the posts that “only true friends (will) share/like”.
I’m with you. Something good can come from sharing tips on preventing child abuse.
On the other hand, telling people to share your status saying you don’t support child abuse is about helpful as telling them that you like the colour orange.
There’s nothing wrong in sharing advice regarding the prevention of crimes and the best way to do it is by sharing advice from good sources (like the website of a police force or a charity dedicated to help children).
But I’ve hardly ever seen those pages linked. The most common way to “help” prevent those things is by spreading an often completely fabricated story w/o any sources or references. That is as helpful as sharing statuses that one is against child abuse.
#8 drives me absolutely nuts. And at least in my feed, they seem to be multiplying exponentially. It just makes me want to exercise less, for fear I may turn into one of them.
This list is so correct. Except I keep getting more dog photos than cats, must be the company I keep. And half the food pics don’t look appetizing at all. What really drives me nuts is the reposted pics and sayings. One sister-in-law NEVER wrote an original line, I mean never. She reposted an average of 10-20 random things a day. A religious repost might follow a truly porno one. I unfriended her the day her repostings hit 50.
when it comes to motherhood posts… this seems to be girls I went to school with and have left at the age of 16+ and had a baby! every week it’s a remembrance that at 6:02pm 4 weeks before they had their baby. Bleh! But I definitely agree with this list!
lmao.. i ve a newsfeed exclusively in the no.1 category.. 😛
i think the frnd-list also comprises of another category- “the nosy relatives” whom you cant block because they ll be sure to bring tht up at the next family-reunion and neither can you runaway from them cause they are always “online”
So true. I found myself on this list (my animals really are the cutest…) as well as most of my other ‘friends’. I think you forgot the stalkers, overly religious/political, and the people who seem to do nothing but take selfies. I actually have a friend who has taken at least one selfie per week for over two years (yes, I checked) and has never once smiled in a photo. Creepy.
Number 10!!! Ugh.
Hey, you forgot about the selfie.
I’ve nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award!
Have a loverly day,
Totally enjoyed this! Great job!
loved it! and am mea culpa on almost all the categories you listed!!!! Thanks…you have a fantastic sense of humor, not to mention the ability to cut through crap and understand human nature…..
That’s mighty kind of you to say
Number 10 kills me…I almost want to block those people, but at the same time I’m horribly fascinated trying to figure out if they believe it or not. I think they actually do.
One time I tried to point out the flaws in yet another ‘Obama’s not American’ post (from a site that called itself extremist…how can you trust any site that calls itself extremist, no matter what it’s an extremist of??), and I was ignored…but sure enough that same person posted something along the same lines from a different site a few days later.
Sorry for the mini rant. Drives me crazy. But they’re friends, so what cannya do.