Are You Licensed to Ride the Bus?


In order to drive a car, you have to take lessons and pass a test. I strongly believe that transit users should also be subject to rigorous testing, because they too can be a hazard to the public. In order to enforce the system, there should be inspectors who you show your ‘Certified to Ride Public Transportation’ card to. If you get 10 de-merit points in 1 month, you will need to undergo an intensive course entitled ‘How to Behave in Public’.

I understand that this is unlikely to happen unless city leaders start using transit and see for themselves that most villages have in fact put their local idiot on a bus to the city.

In the meanwhile, based on real experiences, I’ve drafted a list of guidelines I would like to print out and hand to people who ride the bus or metro with me.

  1. If you drop your mucus covered tissue on me, offer me sanitiser. Or an apology. Either one works.
  2. If your religious beliefs forbid you from accidentally brushing against unrelated men, use the ladies compartment. Please don’t follow me as I try to get away from you and then grab me each time you almost fall.
  3. If I don’t respond to you when you hit on me, please don’t take that as an invitation to follow me to the back of the bus, sit next to me and use the exact same line.
  4. If you want my seat, ask me for it. Placing your hair-yanking 5-year-old next to me is below the belt.
  5. When I leave 2cm between myself and the person next to me, it’s for personal space. It is NOT for you to squeeze into.

Looking for ideas for what to include on your own list? Here are a few ideas to get you started.