Are You Licensed to Ride the Bus?

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In order to drive a car, you have to take lessons and pass a test. I strongly believe that transit users should also be subject to rigorous testing, because they too can be a hazard to the public. In order to enforce the system, there should be inspectors who you show your ‘Certified to Ride Public Transportation’ card to. If you get 10 de-merit points in 1 month, you will need to undergo an intensive course entitled ‘How to Behave in Public’.

I understand that this is unlikely to happen unless city leaders start using transit and see for themselves that most villages have in fact put their local idiot on a bus to the city.

In the meanwhile, based on real experiences, I’ve drafted a list of guidelines I would like to print out and hand to people who ride the bus or metro with me.

  1. If you drop your mucus covered tissue on me, offer me sanitizer. Or an apology. Either one works.
  2. If your religious beliefs forbid you from accidentally brushing against unrelated men, use the ladies compartment. Please don’t follow me as I try to get away from you and then grab me each time you almost fall.
  3. If I don’t respond to you when you hit on me, please don’t take that as an invitation to follow me to the back of the bus, sit next to me and use the exact same line.
  4. If you want my seat, ask me for it. Placing your hair-yanking 5-year-old next to me is below the belt.
  5. When I leave 2cm between myself and the person next to me, it’s for personal space. It is NOT for you to squeeze into.

Looking for ideas for what to include on your own list?

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27 thoughts on “Are You Licensed to Ride the Bus?

    @Thats_Loveleigh said:
    June 12, 2013 at 9:24 pm

    Lol hysterical! Who do we leave it up to to organise these public behaviour courses?

    sweetness6645 said:
    June 14, 2013 at 1:24 am

    you are right, I can so relate to that, especially the personal space one.

    crossthelake said:
    June 17, 2013 at 8:25 pm

    Haha nice! If only my insurance wasn’t £5000 pound I could stop using shitty buses :/

    John said:
    June 22, 2013 at 7:50 am

    Haha, loved it. Yes, that would be me.

    Munis Quadri said:
    June 23, 2013 at 7:30 pm

    LOL . Very nice . Reminds me of a crazy fight between two guys that I witnessed one time in a bus !

    floridaborne said:
    June 26, 2013 at 10:05 pm

    Only 2 days ago I went to see the new Star Trek Movie with my sister. There may have been 30 people in a theater meant to hold 300. Some guy over 6 feet tall sat right in front of me! Not that I’m great at seeing the screen, but when a body is blocking 1/2 of it, that makes it even worse, so I said, “There’s at least 200 empty seats! Why do you feel it’s necessary to sit in front of me?” Believe it or not, he moved. Sometimes you just have to point out when a person is being an inconsiderate ass. When I’m on a bus, I carry a big purse to place next to me to ensure I have space. If you try doing that and people ask why you don’t move it, be honest about why it’s there and hold your ground. :-)

    meganorlowskirussell said:
    June 30, 2013 at 7:37 pm

    I agree. There should also be a noise clause. I you are too noisy you loose your bus license. And smelly, deodorant us a public transportation must.

    Crazydoglady said:
    July 1, 2013 at 6:13 pm

    Sitting on an Irish bus can be a daunting and challenging experience, to my self control and tactful side. I agree with your idea and applaud it.

    ladyofthecakes said:
    July 2, 2013 at 1:06 pm

    Very funny :) Oh, the vagaries of public transport!!!

    ancienthydra said:
    July 3, 2013 at 10:38 am

    There is trauma and then there is the trauma of public transport. Could never decide which was worse. Perhaps we have a clear winner now!

    The 2cm of personal space was quite well put.

    spacebearblogger said:
    July 4, 2013 at 11:48 am

    That is brilliant! I hate how there’s always a sign about noise and general behaviour but the drivers never enforce it. There should be a ban for using public transport. LOL You can get banned from driving for the safety of other drivers then why not be banned from buses to save us passengers a day of hell?

    Laurence said:
    July 6, 2013 at 2:18 pm

    My God! I really liked what you said about this! Haha I mean this happens to me more often both on bus and train. I should always remember your guidelines :)

      A Collection of Musings responded:
      July 6, 2013 at 2:24 pm

      Can you imagine the look on someone’s face when you hand them these guidelines? :)

        Laurence said:
        July 6, 2013 at 2:27 pm

        I guess there would be faces of shock, awe, annoyance. There would also be funny faces with endless LOL. :D

        Laurence said:
        July 6, 2013 at 2:31 pm

        Well, here in the Philippines, the guidelines could be a form of insult, shame. But I could still imagine the faces! Haha Can’t get over it! lol

        A Collection of Musings responded:
        July 6, 2013 at 2:36 pm

        I was in the Philippines some months ago… I wouldn’t just limit it to people on the LRT and MRT… I’d give it to everybody who hangs around outside Baclaran station in Manila

        Laurence said:
        July 6, 2013 at 2:39 pm

        Woah! Really? Well, yeah. Let us just consider the people at that place. Maybe they could be better some day. How was your stay here? Are you s Filipino, btw? ;)

        A Collection of Musings responded:
        July 6, 2013 at 2:43 pm

        Nope not Pinoy. Just fond of travelling. I loved Vigan and Palawan. Watch out for an upcoming post about my encounters on Cebu Pacific :)

        Laurence said:
        July 6, 2013 at 2:45 pm

        Okay. Wow, very nice of you. I’ll look forward to that. What’s your nationality?

    singhcircle said:
    July 8, 2013 at 10:39 pm

    Reblogged this on SinghCircle.

    ksass said:
    July 10, 2013 at 6:14 am

    Sounds like me after my bus ride from Hell:

    Mudassar said:
    July 13, 2013 at 11:47 pm

    Hilarious!! Thank God Rules are enforced here in Dubai on priority basis, secondly due to heavy fines enforcement people seems very sophisticated or decent. Yet there are some areas in Dubai too where Asians rules and no other rules are followed :) Asian ,, please don’t mind. I am an Asian too

    anthonyvenable110 said:
    July 16, 2013 at 3:49 am

    Yes, I agree with this 110%, people are absolutely crazy when they are on public transportation!!

    anthonyvenable110 said:
    July 16, 2013 at 3:49 am

    Reblogged this on anthonyvenable110.

    bandiland said:
    August 9, 2013 at 2:44 pm

    Reblogged this on Bandiland Blog and commented:
    Well, upon reading my take on public transport in Hong Kong, you gotta read this hilarious piece. A *slightly* different attitude… Beware! :)

    Bella said:
    August 16, 2013 at 7:41 pm

    Reblogged this on just a city girl and commented:
    I got this in response to my “Riding the Bus” post, not only do I agree with these guidelines I could probably add a few or a hundred to them.

    Bella said:
    August 16, 2013 at 7:43 pm

    Reblogged this on just a city girl. And thanks for visiting my blog.

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